I often receive email from anxious parents wanting to know how to
squeeze another ounce of athletic success from their children. In
many cases, it seems that the parents are more interested in sport
than their children! I've also heard from the other side in this
story, as kids and teenagers describe parental pressure to pursue
rankings and titles. What does this mean? Parents, although you
always mean well, this article might be for you.
Competition in sport is healthy and natural, and sport psychology is
the discipline best suited to optimize performance. But, let's not
forget the word "psychology" in sport psychology. Any psychology
must place the welfare of the individual first, and carefully
preserve intrinsic motivation. Performance can always improve, but
the best sport psychology advice for parents is often to just take it
A young performer who has truly discovered their sport will be
internally motivated, excited, and pursuing improvement. However,
this attitude isn't created out of thin air. Individuals discover
their sports and mature at varying rates, and in different ways.
Although you've always preached the value of success to your kids,
the state championship might not be tops on the agenda for an
adolescent struggling with academics and social development.
With the exception of perhaps Pete Sampras, human beings are not
really machines (just kidding Pete). Motivation is complex, comes
from deep within, and cannot simply be attached to a person like a
motor bolted onto a speed boat. If it were that simple, psychologists
might lose their shirts to motivational speakers, or even employees
at the psychic friends network.
Praise sport and demonstrate the joy of competition and improvement,
but realize that external demands or pressure on a child ruins their
fun and sabotages your purpose. Let your child discover sport
without providing the benefits of negativity, pressure, expectation,
What can you do as parents? Strive to encourage three aspects of
sport: Fun, Mastery, and Growth.
Pleasure for sport resides within your child's own feelings and
interpretations. Encourage them to find out what they really love
about their sport, and praise these interests and activities.
Encourage them to satisfy and please themselves first, not you, for
their athletic accomplishments (See the March, 1997 Article "Keeping Tennis Thrilling").
To help your kids develop mastery, take the pressure off by
focusing on performance rather than outcome (See the May, 1997
Article "Developing a Sense of Mastery"). Take them to watch the experts and
discuss the positive skills demonstrated by these elite performers.
Encourage them to be satisfied by internal rewards such as self-regard, pride, and a sense of achievement, rather than external
rewards such as money and trophies.
Help your child extinguish pressure and fear. Rather than talking
about winning and losing, discuss performance and improvement. Draw
parallels between sporting behavior and growth in other domains in
life such as schoolwork and job performance. Emphasize courage and a
work ethic that will carry over into other areas too. Frequently
check their belief in themselves, as this is a core element to
continued growth (See February, 1997 Article "Deriving Personal Growth From Tennis").
As you respect the individuality of your child, you allow them to
grow and improve naturally. By encouraging fun, mastery, and
personal growth, you help them develop a greater attitude toward
life, and enhance their performance at the same time. Enjoy the US
Open and I'll see you next month...