I read that soccer moms are no longer the most sought after voter
group. Some are getting bored with driving the team SUV and tracking down
illusive shin guards and are looking for some exercise of their own. This might
be a good time to convert them for tennis. After all, tennis exercises a lot
more muscles than soccer and you don't get as many bruises and blackeyes. If you
do recruit someone, here are a few suggestions to help them make the transition;
some might even be helpful for tennis regulars.
- If your husband starts complaining about the bills you are running up at the
tennis shop remind him of the total cost of a single round of golf.
- If he continues to bug you on the subject inquire about the possibility of
taking golf lessons.
- Always be sure the yellow tennis ball covering the knob on your SUV's
trailer hitch is USTA approved.
- In a close singles match as you change courts ask your opponent "is your
daughter home from college?" On the next changeover when she wonders "why you
asked" tell her you thought you saw her husband having lunch downtown with a
young girl.
- This works even better if she doesn't have a daughter.
- When you go into the locker room to shower and find you still have that
elusive third ball tucked in your panties, call weight watchers.
- If there's a domestic golf versus tennis argument about what the vanity
license plate on the SUV should say, compromise on "It's T Time."
- If you insist on playing with extra long fingernails buy a racket
with at least a 4 7/8 grip.
- Be sure that ringer you recruited for the Mixed Member-Guest isn't on
the make.
- Don't be the last to arrive for your doubles match or you'll likely
to be the topic of conversation.
- Bury your cell phone deep in your racquet bag so no one will hear it
ring just as your partner is hitting an overhead.
- If you stash the yardapes in the tennis house to watch cartoons
while you are playing, don't be surprised to see them expelled when Breakfast
at Wimbledon is on the tube.
- If you are a trophy wife --- and not really a soccer mom--- play
without makeup and maybe no one will notice.
- The WTA in an effort to speed up slow play has reduced to five
minutes the gossip time allowed while changing ends during a match. Don't feel
insulted if the men on the next court refer to your match as "picket fence"
tennis. That's a gentler term than "hit and giggle."
- If you're just starting the game and want to be competitive right
off, learn to lob.
- If you really want to be competitive learn to drop shot.
- Spandex is frowned upon except for those muscle protecting
bicycle shorts under your
skirt.
- If that aging stylist on the next court gives you a thumbs up
after you hit the passing shot down the line, don't assume it's your backhand
he's admiring --- it might be your backside.
- If you are playing in that late afternoon group be sure your
cell phone has every restaurant that will deliver on speed dial.
